Professional friends

As we have already discussed in previous posts, friendship is strongly shaped by shared interests and activities. Once we reach a certain age, we spend most of our day at work. The connections we make at work can have a significant impact on our daily work lives and, as a result, on our personal lives and our health.

People are capable of adapting their behavior depending on their environment and the situation. Generally speaking, this is referred to as “playing a role.” The depth and intensity of the role can vary greatly from one situation to another. Below, we will examine the different ways of interacting with colleagues at work.

First, I’d like to discuss the strict separation of work and personal life. Depending on the nature of the job, this may be possible. In my experience, it’s easiest to separate work from personal life in customer-facing roles, such as working as a cashier. Since the work mainly involves brief, direct contact with other people and the customer base is highly diverse, work can “stop” at the end of the day and have no impact on your personal life. Relationships with colleagues can also be kept separate. Depending on how much your work relies on input from others, a clear separation can be maintained here as well.

The more collaborative the work is, or the longer one works directly with one person, the harder it is to separate from them. In the context of client work, I’d like to pick the example of the patient-caregiver relationship. I believe it makes sense to maintain a certain distance here, but this requires actively stepping back from the relationship. Through prolonged interaction, a form of bond automatically develops in which one side eventually receives or reveals more and more information and thus seeks to build an ever-deeper connection. A deeper relationship also creates expectations or responsibilities that you may not be able to give. Therefore, I believe it makes sense to set limits on the relationship.

The situation is different when collaborating with colleagues in a field where everyone shares a common goal. I think there are two subcategories here. First, at work, you’re strongly influenced by the way others perform their tasks. If this work style resonates with your own, then you enjoy working together, as the work is quickly successful and can therefore be more enjoyable. This can also help build friendships, but it carries the risk that the relationship with the person is based solely on work style. In their personal life, the person may have completely different values, which can create a strong conflict with your own values. Additionally, this risk offers a very significant advantage. You can broaden your own perspective without necessarily entering into direct conflict, since there is already a common ground - the work style - on which an exchange can take place on equal terms. Unfortunately, this isn’t a given, and a certain degree of skepticism here can be beneficial.

A person’s values complement their work style. When values align, a friendship can develop quite naturally. Ideally, work styles also overlap, but this is not a requirement. However, if there is no overlap in work styles at all, a friendship in the workplace can actually be a hindrance, as it may potentially cloud judgments regarding collaboration. Direct collaboration can strain personal relationships, as conflicts are inevitable due to differences in approach in day-to-day work. The situation becomes critical when a supervisory role is also involved. Those supervisory decisions should never be based on personal relationships but should be made exclusively on a professional basis based on work performance.

If we take the whole system of workplace relationships to the extreme and throw sexual attraction into the mix, things get really dangerous. For good reason, most companies have boundaries and policies in place regarding how people should handle romantic relationships. Even though the workplace currently ranks somewhere around third when it comes to finding a partner, it still holds a lot of potential for conflict. It must be possible here to strictly separate work and private life. Many people find this very difficult. That’s why the phrase “Don’t **** where you work” is so common.

Since work is an essential part of life and my work is very collaborative, I tend to prefer working with people who share my values, which makes it easier for me to form friendships. This makes my workday enjoyable, as I get to spend it with people I enjoy being around while doing something I love.

Note: This is an anecdotal text and unfortunately is not based on any scientific sources. Friendsaver wants to help you become a better friend. These texts are intended to encourage you to rethink your behaviour and adjust it if necessary. We currently lack the resources to conduct scientific research or refer to scientific sources. If you are able to assist us in this regard, please contact us via Instagram or LinkedIn. We would like to create scientific knowledge articles for friends in the future. Thank you for reading.

About the author: Martin is the founder of Friendsaver. He is a software engineer with a master's degree in telematics and over 15 years of professional experience in software development. As a social introvert, he overthinks topics and tends to befriend his colleagues.